"These Dirty Little Secrets"

​a piece of narration from the upcoming film noir by famed filmmaker and professional alcoholic Hugh Wonderbang

a spoof by Magellan Reyes

​     “I slammed my fist on the table, mad that she wouldn’t share with me all her dirty little

secrets. I knew she was there when Bobby met his untimely demise, but the dame just

wouldn’t crack. The putrid musk generated by all these dirty little lies gets caught in your

nostrils and layered on your skin like grease, and no amount of baths’ll clean ‘em out. I was

sick of what she had to say, sick of dames giving me the run around, sick of the whole damn

thing. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her good, tell me what you know I said.

I didn’t mean to be so rough, but it didn’t seem to work anyhow. The dame just sat there,

laughing like a wicked witch damning me to hell. Well she can damn me to hell as much as

​ she wants, I thought, what do I care—I’m already there. She cursed at me as I made my way

over to the bar. She told me I was just a lousy drunk, that I didn’t know nothing and never

would. But I didn’t care. I was tired. This life has a way of wearing a man down, of turning all

he loves against him. She cursed at me again as I downed my glass of whiskey. But I ignored

​ her, and just poured another drink…”