by Davis Benz
My therapist is trying to convince me that asking people I don’t know to hang out does not make me look desperate. She says it’s “flattering.” Then why was I conditioned to believe that trying to make new friends is a sign of weakness? I recently realized that if someone sees my invitation to #hangout as desperate that’s their fucking problem. Anyway, before the pandemic, I used to sit next to people in class and I felt weird about asking them to hang out. But why? Is it because of social conditioning from middle school? Maybe. Yeah, that’s it.
Tinder is fun, I guess? I keep seeing guys I know IRL who I think are cute but I’m scared to be like “let’s hang out.” I mean “let’s hang out” has so many connotations I just choose to opt-out entirely. Specificity is key. It’s different with men in their thirties. They’re not as scared of rejection. As Jenna Rink once asked, why can’t I be “thirty, flirty, and thriving?” Ever since I transferred to Cal I’ve realized that we’re all scared of being perceived as craving human interaction. But why? Does it insinuate that we are social rejects? Who cares? And what if we are that’s badass. The whole conformity thing is getting old to me. I don’t want to fit in, all the best people do their own thing anyway. But that is so much easier said than done.
I hate small talk. However, there is an art to it. I try to make small talk in subtle ways. I’ve noticed the cool/hip topic right now to talk about with strangers is the #virus. I want to challenge that. We’re all aware of it so let’s fucking talk about something else! If this is truly the end of life as we know it (which it’s not) I want to hit up all the guys I think are hot, I mean what else is there to do? Seriously. I’ve noticed that mutual intimidation gets us nowhere. Ruminating about all the things I could have said is a waste of time. I’m done with regrets. I’m going to talk to everyone without fear. Even you.
There is power in expressing vulnerability. I’m learning how to be my most authentic self. What I mean by that bullshit is I’m learning how to access internal validation rather than searching for approval from others. Guess what? Everyone doubts themselves. Or at least I do. But I’m also obsessed with learning, growing, and evolving. As much as I want that one guy who I matched with on Tinder to validate my existence, I also know that all the love I need I can give to myself. But hit me up if you want to chill. ;)